Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
