dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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