What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
