the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
