I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The uberlube is also flammable
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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