Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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