Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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