I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize