i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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