It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
