i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
then he tried to convert me to islam
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
