Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm just crazy horny about you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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