I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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