I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
