You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
