He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
