its not stalking. its research.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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