i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
