That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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