Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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