This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
