I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
