3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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