? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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