I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
