remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
