Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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