thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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