Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
