I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
