the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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