i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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