R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
