I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize