hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
