I think I am morally bankrupt
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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