Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
