he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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