i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
