hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm jealous of your bromance
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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