I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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