At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
