please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My ATM looks so different sober.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
