Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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