he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
