Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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