Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
