Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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