Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
