I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
