let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
