i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
