Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
