he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
