I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
