You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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