Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
