Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize