Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
