It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
