she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Acid is not a monday night drug
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
