I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
