and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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