I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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