i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
