what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
