bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
