you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
