so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
