what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
