I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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